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God has a funny way of leading a person into her purpose, and being born again is a major part of the process. The journey to rebirth are subtle nudges in this direction or that direction. It is a spiritual growth that forces a person into a consciousness she never knew she were being prepared for. I can truly say that I have experienced this throughout my life. Attending church, Sunday School, Vacation Bible School, and Bible Study were all preparing me to fulfill a purpose I never envisioned for myself.
You see, I always perceived myself as being either an actress or a domestic engineer. I would see myself playing various roles on a movie screen or stage. The other vision I had was of my husband coming home from work to a loving wife and well-manner children. In both roles, I saw myself having fresh ingredients to make homecooked meals that would fill my family’s stomachs and hearts and keep them healthy.
One of my visions has come true, in a way. I was able to be a full-time domestic engineer during my Summer and Winter breaks as a public-school teacher. It filled my heart to spend time with my children preparing meals. I was able to reinforce their math and reading skills during our time in the kitchen. I loved watching them run and play in the backyard; that gave me a chance to learn so much about their personalities. Watching their favorite television shows or movies provided the opportunity to teach moral lessons. Having an organized home when their father came home from work was the icing on the cake.
Now that I think about it, I can say that in some ways I was able to be an actress. By the time I retired from teaching, I realized that teaching involved a lot of entertainment. With cell phones in students’ hands and laptops on their desks, teaching is in competition with social media and on-demand information. Moreover, teaching requires a person to play the role of parent, role model, therapist, mentor, and motivational speaker. Holding the attention of students requires teachers to be a performer, so I fulfilled my dream of becoming an actress, too.
Early Memories
Referencing a study published in Psychology Today in 2014, adults recall childhood memories as early as age six. In 2021, Verywell Mind shared information from a researcher who found that people’s earliest memories could be around thirty months. In some ways I was relieved to learn that several factors contribute to a person’s memory - birth order, culture, gender, and home environment. The Verywell Mind article further stated that an individual’s hopes, dreams, and core values are generally aligned with their early childhood memories.
I am female, fifth child out of six, born in the South to parents who provided a degree of space for their children to be their authentic selves – for the most part. Although my parents separated and divorced during my toddlerhood, they were both nurturing in their own way. Very little chastisement happened. Instead, we were guided and disciplined to take accountability for our actions, to accept others as they are, and to practice the “Lord’s Prayer” in our daily lives. My siblings and I were taught to live by the words of President John F. Kennedy, “Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.” Which brings me to my earliest memory.
I was in church, sitting on my mother’s lap. I was looking up at a man standing at a podium. Something inside of me said, “This is not all of me.” No matter how hard I have tried, I can neither shake that memory nor the other when I was in church around the same age. I cannot say for certainty how old I was; however, I can say that I was still in toddlerhood.
Yes; I was in my toddlerhood when I had a spiritual experience that impacted my core belief in God. It impacted me in such a way that I answered my call into the ministry in 2018 and began The Enlightened Living Ministries – The ELM in 2020. My memory of seeing, who I think was, Reverend Bowser in the pulpit of Mt. Olive Baptist Church is etched in my mind. Hearing in my spirit, “This is not all of me,” has been the driving force of my search for an understanding of God on a level much deeper than I experienced in my childhood and early adulthood. The answers I have discovered are the reasons why the mission of The Enlightened Living Ministries – The ELM, a faith-based organization, is to help people have an elevated relationship with God and a better understanding of the self by following The Way, The Truth, and The Life that Jesus demonstrated while here on Earth.
The article I read on the Verywell Mind website discussed research done by Carole Peterson in Newfoundland, and it was refreshing. Although one associate professor, who was quoted in the article, believed that pinpointing one early childhood memory is a challenge, I can truly say that I can pinpoint mine. Researchers believe that the significance of an early memory is very important in a person’s ability to recall the experience. I certainly agree. My life’s purpose is directly related to the memory of my experience in Mount Olive Baptist Church and nothing beyond that experience has altered my resolve in God and what my life’s work should be.
NDE
“Near-death experiences are an ancient and very common phenomenon that spans from ancient philosophy, religion and healing to the most clinical practice of medicine,” Dr. Raymond A. Moody wrote in an essay published on the National Instituted of Health’s website. Near-death experiences are being discussed and revealed in popular culture. It is not hard to find a podcast where someone is recalling an experience where he or she was on the brink of death then returned. They were usually instructed by family members or a higher being to return to their bodies. People are discussing NDEs on almost all social media outlets, which proves people are more comfortable with the topic.
I was less than four years old when I saw myself hovering over my body. The memory of my aunt running to get help from my mother and grandmother are forever carved in my mind. The next scene I remember is my grandmother holding me over the kitchen skin pouring milk into my mouth. Those are the only things I remember from that experience – watching my aunt run into the house to get help for me and my grandmother forcing milk down my throat.
In the 1970’s people didn’t go to the doctor like we now do. There was no waiting on first responders to come to administer first level of care followed by transportation to a medical emergency center to save a life. There were only instincts and tried and true home remedies that had saved countless lives throughout the ages. My grandmother forcing milk down my throat to cause me to vomit was her acting on instinct with a tried-and-true home remedy to force whatever I had consumed out of my system.
Most people who have a transcendental experience say it forever changes their lives. It is true that we are never the same again. Although, I was too young in my experience to know if it changed my life or preserved my life, I can say that I was different from the young people in my life. My life has been marred with having spiritual experiences that my siblings and mother didn’t understand when I was in my youth. Reading the Bible or any other religious text never gave me reasons to believe in God or a higher power; I have always felt God’s presence in me. I have always believed in the greater good and desired “the best” and equality for everyone.
I suspect that my NDE was designed to help prepare me to fulfill my earliest childhood memories. I image that God needed to get to work on me pretty quickly because Generation X had to be change agents in the evolution of mankind.
This Death
In John 3:5, Jesus tells Nicodemus that a person must be born of water and spirit to enter the kingdom. In Verse 22 of the Tao Te Ching, we are told that one must die before a rebirth happens. The same verse in the Tao Te Ching tells us that we must become empty to become full and partial to become whole.
I can truly say that I have died many times to become who God created me to be. Many the aspects of being a public-school teacher have left and are leaving me to become the full-time minister who will live in her purpose. I am witnessing other aspects of myself transforming to allow the ministry of writing and speaking to emerge. I discipline myself every day to focus on those things that God is making way for me to do.
This death is in no way easier than all the other deaths I have experienced; each one comes with its own challenges. I must allow the destruction of some things that have been a part of me since birth to take place, and this is the second great calling in my life. I must set aside some things that had been conditioned in me to become the servant that will lead people. Mankind acquires an elevated understanding of God and oneself to experience a rebirth. The birth that we must all go through and grow through to experience all the greatness Earth has to offer.
For this reason, I welcome this death because it will give life to so many of God’s people.
In each passing hour, I am witnessing in me the destruction. All the rubble from the debris is being recycled and reused and repurposed to reconstruct the woman who has opened herself to become the vessel God needs me to be. I am accepting my role in helping to restore and rebuild this beautiful home we call Earth.
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